Oppo-cunting-sition

Many people will be assuming that Malc and I hate being out of power, they would also be right. The thought of some pipsqueak southern bastard using my deskspace (got Malc to burn the desk) for evil does make my sphinctre tighten. Mrs McDonald and Ms Harman do wish that they hadn't bought me a crystal glass set as a going away present. Losing power is a terrible thing, but not for the reasons that detractors would expect. Power was a lovely thing, it meant that it was my fucking job if there was a by-election in Liverpool to make sure that ITV3 didn't show the wrong fucking episode of Goodnight Sweetheart two nights before (one night before doesn't tend to change voting intentions.) I was proud to do that, not only as a Labour Party member but as a MacDonald and a believer in what was right.

It is now Cal 'the fucker' Richards, Steve Hilton and Andy Coulson's jobs to do what Malc and I did for Labour for a Conservative government. I don't wish them well, they are utter ringpieces of the highest order, not worth their mothers' placenta let alone the oxygen they breathe. I do however hope one thing, that they care as much about what they are doing as I did. Some of Malc and my work has already been pissed away like an incontinent fucking fairy. It took us bloody ages to sell the change in education, pissed away like a gall pebble. It is to be fucking expected. Shit away, I do not expect a legacy, let alone a baldy bastard singing praises.

We were the shitty pitch that lets Motherwell beat Aberdeen, we were the bastards that makes sure there's a Rabbie Burns night but not a Keats one (I always prefered Byron as far as English cunts go) and the dreadful cunts that willl always work for the lowest workers of the low, fight as best we can for what is right in a plausible way in a right wing shit there's an immigrant under my unborn child's duvet climate world. As I said I hope the Tory fuckers gain as much pleasure from fighting for their beliefs as I did.

One is entitled to ask however 'What Now?' What the fuck now for Jamie Mcdonald? 'He is a partisan cunt after all' 'What does he do when out of power?' Let alone without his Malcolm to tell him when to call a minister an empty Wire boxset (intelligent and popular on the fucking outside but ludicrously empty.) All I can say is that opposition is shitloads of fun, Malc and I are going on a fishing break, we haven't got to babysit tools, and good Labour Party men that we are, we shall be sitting round, working hard sorting out a social democratic response. Despite working for our prefered candidates we can take a step backand allow a contest minus the fools idiots and chancers, all I can say is be afraid be very a fucking fraid.



Congratulations to the Tory Party, you're dreadful people doing a dreadful job. I only hope Chris Huhne's head fits up his arse, otherwise see you in 8 months.

Thank You and Goodnight

So that's it, 13 years of achievements over, thanks for saving the banking system and oh we've bought you a fucking clock to say goodbye. I've rescued the spider plants from the likely singeing there'll receive from Clegg, refrained from pissing in the desk draw but did draw a moustache on the picture of Thatcher on the way out. So where now for the Govan gang?

Well for one thing it's nice not to be the hated warmongering, demonstration blocking, baby eating cunts for an evening. No we've re fucking branded, it's now 'the only force in progressive politics (tm)', scourge of the Murdochracy, freedom fighters against the evil Franco and his (half) Spanish Allies. I might even spend a week in Catalunya. For one thing that sack of shit Toynbee might shut up. Don't say we didn't warn you. Clegg's posher than a boater full of pheasant shit, Laws was practically a member of the Tories and as for St Vince. Well see how that goes pal. It's not too late for I told you so's but I think watching Osborne give a budget should be a healthy reminder to all of those who said the Liberals were the real voice of progressive/left wing politics.

Where now? Well the reins of government may have gone but the fight, spirit, and desire to see a better Britain most certainly have fucking not. Our first job is twofold, organise a proper leadership contest. i.e. one in which the nutters shut the fuck up and let the ones of us with functioning medulla oblongata do the talking (Hoey I'm talking to you.), one based on substance, style and serious curry nights. Secondly Malc and I are going fishing. No we're not going away to some Scottish Loch with water as frozen as John Redwood's soul and pike the size of a Charlie Kennedy treble, but Lib Dem fishing. Lads we know you were a bit fucking thick but it happens, we forgive you, let us buy you a drink. Al Campbell's been fighting them off, along with the odd Boulton haymaker, in Westminster bars all evening. You didn't vote for this government (even though technically you did, so take our advice.), neither did we. Together you're stronger, for we are the only force in progressive politics, the future, your only hope against the dark forces of the Buggerall Murdochcrats. If you still doubt us, I ask you one thing, watch George Osborne give a budget. I'll have your Labour Membership ready.

To the future and our lovely new bearded and sandalled members. JM