Thank You and Goodnight

So that's it, 13 years of achievements over, thanks for saving the banking system and oh we've bought you a fucking clock to say goodbye. I've rescued the spider plants from the likely singeing there'll receive from Clegg, refrained from pissing in the desk draw but did draw a moustache on the picture of Thatcher on the way out. So where now for the Govan gang?

Well for one thing it's nice not to be the hated warmongering, demonstration blocking, baby eating cunts for an evening. No we've re fucking branded, it's now 'the only force in progressive politics (tm)', scourge of the Murdochracy, freedom fighters against the evil Franco and his (half) Spanish Allies. I might even spend a week in Catalunya. For one thing that sack of shit Toynbee might shut up. Don't say we didn't warn you. Clegg's posher than a boater full of pheasant shit, Laws was practically a member of the Tories and as for St Vince. Well see how that goes pal. It's not too late for I told you so's but I think watching Osborne give a budget should be a healthy reminder to all of those who said the Liberals were the real voice of progressive/left wing politics.

Where now? Well the reins of government may have gone but the fight, spirit, and desire to see a better Britain most certainly have fucking not. Our first job is twofold, organise a proper leadership contest. i.e. one in which the nutters shut the fuck up and let the ones of us with functioning medulla oblongata do the talking (Hoey I'm talking to you.), one based on substance, style and serious curry nights. Secondly Malc and I are going fishing. No we're not going away to some Scottish Loch with water as frozen as John Redwood's soul and pike the size of a Charlie Kennedy treble, but Lib Dem fishing. Lads we know you were a bit fucking thick but it happens, we forgive you, let us buy you a drink. Al Campbell's been fighting them off, along with the odd Boulton haymaker, in Westminster bars all evening. You didn't vote for this government (even though technically you did, so take our advice.), neither did we. Together you're stronger, for we are the only force in progressive politics, the future, your only hope against the dark forces of the Buggerall Murdochcrats. If you still doubt us, I ask you one thing, watch George Osborne give a budget. I'll have your Labour Membership ready.

To the future and our lovely new bearded and sandalled members. JM