Everything's Shit On Channel Dave

No I'm not laying into repeats of Topgear and QI, Jeremy Clarkson may be turning from someone you'd kick in the queue at the Newsagent to someone who is fully deserving of ritual disembowelment, James May seems to be taking over television like some sort of Labrador shaped cancer and Richard Hammond may be the single worst example of humanity ever to write a really fucking awful memoir but Alan Davies' hair and support for our campaign mitigates this dreadfulness. The other Channel Dave however is broadcast from the home of a shitty wanker. Cameron's response to Cleggmania in tonight's emergency PEB is like watching a low budget Richard Curtis film while being hit in the head with a hammer made of his own sense of self satisfaction. The message? 'Only I can turn the nation into a land of dilligent little cub scouts who feed the elderly, teach geography to arsonists and drink tea in open necked shirts in well kept gardens whilst growing their own ochra.' that and the word 'change' repeatedly. Bashed into the unwitting masses' skulls with a runcible spoon. David Bowie or Tupac should sue. Dave even makes a face. 'See how it'll change if I scrunch my bulbous features earnestly enough' is no doubt now a cornerstone of the conservative campaign. It's not a match for Nick 'Theroux's fag' Clegg and I think he should apologise for putting the nation it's TV dinner.